I’ll answer that question with a simple answer, never. It never ends. You think this would be common sense and duh Greg everyone knows that. You’d be surprised how many people intellectually know it but aren’t actually doing it.
A lot of guys know that working on yourself is important and that it makes you more attractive to women.
So this is how it usually goes: Guy is single and has all these hobbies. He’s reading self-development books, learning how to get better with women, sex, and in general just growing. That’s good right? Yea it is, but a funny thing happens when this guy gets the girl he wants and gets in a relationship. All of a sudden all this growth that he’s constantly been working on stops.
In a way he’s giving false advertising to the girl he’s in a relationship with. When she started dating him he was a real go-getter, a guy looking to improve all aspects of his life. This is part of what made her attracted to him and see him as long-term dating material. Then all of sudden he stops and he’s Netflix and chilling all the time, and that’s not a euphemism for sex sadly.
Is it shocking that the passion disappears and eventually they start fighting and break up?
This is the path many relationships take. I know this path really well myself, because that guy in the story has been me many times. When I was single I would be all about growing and getting better in my life, but in relationships I would get complacent. This would never be good for me or the relationship. Many guys have experienced this but not realized how much of a factor it was.
This goes back to trustworthiness being the biggest factor for women in deciding a long-term relationship. It’s not about just being honest and upfront, that’s part of it, but more importantly it’s about being who you say you were going to be. Being consistent. Which is not what you’re doing when you go from this world conqueror to this complacent Netflix guy. Also I’m not saying don’t ever spend a whole Sunday watching Netflix with your girlfriend, there’s nothing wrong with that once in a while. I love that too sometimes. It’s about not making it a pattern of who you become.
The short-term solution is make sure you keep growing and working on yourself when you’re in a relationship. The long-term solution which everyone should work on to really master yourself, is to find something that is so important to you that you don’t ever want to get complacent. Your mission or your purpose, whatever you want to call it. Obviously that’s essential.
The other thing that many guys suffer from is their need to be loved.
Many guys, even very successful ones, are primarily motivated by the need to feel loved. They think all these achievements will get them love but it won’t. The long-term solution is to love yourself first. This sounds very New Age-y or something you would hear in Yoga, but it’s very true on a deep level. Most people don’t love themselves enough to be complete by themselves. As long as you don’t have that you will always be in co-dependent relationships.
A majority of relationships are like that but that doesn’t mean it’s ok. There’s a reason a majority of relationships fail. This co-dependency even gets idealized in social media, I’m sure you’ve seen the pictures and the memes on Instagram or Facebook. But we’re not trying to be like the majority of people, we’re trying to be the best version of ourself and this is part of it.
Let us know if you’ve ever been in a situation where you got complacent and what happened when you did. Would love to hear your experiences.