The most important thing in approaching women in any setting isn’t what you say or the techniques you’ve learned, it’s the mindset. If your mindset about it is great then it almost doesn’t matter what you say because it’ll likely work. So what’s the best mindset to have when approaching?
Don’t take it too seriously, have fun with it.
One of the biggest factors in guys not approaching women is fear. They fear getting rejected. They fear looking stupid in front of their friends. They fear failure. And the deeper reason that they fear these things is because deep down they believe it says something about them if they get rejected. They think it means that they’re not good enough. That they’re not attractive. That they’re not lovable.
This is not true. First, it’s not rejection unless you label it so. If a girl isn’t receptive to you talking to her, that doesn’t mean it’s rejection. It could mean so many things that there’s almost no point in thinking about it. She could have a boyfriend, she could be having a terrible day, she could be hating men that day because of a bad experience, she could be tired, she could be sad, theres’ so many external factors that it’s impossible to take it personally.
You can of course look at what you said and how you acted to see if there’s anything you can do to improve. But after you do that you shouldn’t think another minute about it. You learn from it what you can and move on.
If you start shifting how you see rejection you’ll see it’s not a big deal. It doesn’t really exist. The reactions you have to women are your choice. You can choose how to view it. So why not view it in a way that helps you instead of deters you from approaching?
If you start viewing approaching less seriously and as a fun social interaction then you’re going to be better at it and most importantly enjoy it more. You don’t want to turn into an approaching machine just so you can be good at approaching. You don’t want to approach so much so you’re numb to feeling anything about it. That’s what a lot of PUA’s do and recommend. They say go get rejected a 100 times and then you’ll be over your fear of rejection and approaching will be easy.
While this is true, it’ll also make you really numb. It’ll make you very game-y and see every interaction as a game. You’ll start seeing women as objects to be won. And that’s not a healthy mindset. That’s a surefire way to go down the road of narcissism, where you’ll never truly feel fulfilled.
That’s actually the path most PUA’s take and one you definitely don’t want to take. Most of those guys are very unhappy and many times they’re also depressed. You don’t need to be the best approach guy of all time, you just have to get comfortable enough with it so you can approach the girls you actually want to talk to and are attracted to.
Start seeing approaching as fun and flirty social interaction and not about “picking” women up. It’ll make a huge difference and you’ll enjoy having fun with the people you meet throughout your day. And who knows, maybe it leads to your future girlfriend.