Ghosting is something that’s become such a part of our culture and sadly something that’s very much accepted. What does it say about us as a society that we think these types of behaviors are ok? It’s really just a symptom of the lack of integrity that we are accepting more and more in our world. The lack of empathy that we are accepting as “just the way it is”.
It’s becoming so common to act immorally and without integrity. It’s pretty much glorified nowadays. Just log on to Instagram and scroll through. It won’t take long to come across different forms of narcissism. All these posts about “I’m doing me”, “I catch flights not feelings” or the dreaded “If you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best”. It’s glorifying this narcissistic culture that we’re prescribing to.
We’re accepting extremely selfish behavior and showing a disregard for others. It’s no surprise that we’re more depressed than we’ve ever been. That we’re more medicated than we’ve ever been. And that divorce rates are as high as they’ve ever been. How can it not be? We put band aids on deeper problems. These band aids make us feel temporarily better but they don’t fix the issues underneath.
It’s mind boggling how poorly we act to other people and the poor behaviors we accept as normal. Ghosting is just one of them. If you go on a few dates and you’re not feeling it, then you just stop answering texts or phone calls. You just “ghost” out. No explanation, no integrity. It’s a very self-involved way of being and shows a complete lack of empathy.
The problem starts with ourselves first. Because ghosting is so accepted we start doing it too. We think “well everyone’s doing it and it’s normal so why don’t I do it too, it’s not a big deal”. We just accept it as a way of life, but the reason it became accepted is because one by one we thought like this.
If we want to live a life of integrity and empathy, we have to look at ourselves first instead of trying to tell people how they should act. When we lead by example then we have a chance of influencing others and making a positive change.
I’ve ghosted in the past and I’ve been ghosted. Just like most of us have done both of them. That doesn’t excuse it and we shouldn’t accept this type of behavior from ourselves. So many of us complain about the type of girls we date, but you attract what you are.
If we start acting how we want others to treat us, then will we attract the type of people in our lives that we really want.
Next time you go on a few dates with a girl and you don’t feel it, don’t just ghost out. Be a man of integrity and tell her, even if it feels harder to do and makes you uncomfortable. It can be a straightforward text like the following:
“Hey, I really enjoyed getting to know you, but I don’t think this is super compatible with what I’m looking for. You’re a great girl, and I know you’ll find the right match”
You’re not putting the blame on her. You’re not saying “Hey this isn’t going work because you’re x and x, which I don’t like”. Because it’s not her fault or yours if you’re not compatible, if you have no chemistry. Your personalities just don’t connect and that’s ok.
You might get a surprised reaction because it’s so widely accepted to just fade out, but they’ll respect you as a man much more and respect your decision because you were honest and straightforward. You acted with integrity.
You should always act in a way that you know is right, no matter how the other person acts or what you think they deserve. A man that’s in control of himself never just reacts on other people’s actions, he always acts in a way that’s in line with his own values regardless of outside influences.
You’ll notice that the more you act with integrity and empathy you’ll also attract more people like that in your life. You won’t attract narcissistic personalities because you won’t accept that type of behavior. And when you surround yourselves with these types of people you’ll lift each other up and it will improve the quality of your life. A more fulfilling and positive life.